Conflicts between parents and children occur when parents' thought standards and children's thought standards collide. It is neither 

parents' fault nor children's fault. Problems occur when people consider difference as right and wrong. Even many experts argue that conflicts 

are the result of someone doing wrong things. Suppose a counselor counsels parents and children. When the counselor thinks that one party 

is in the wrong, it is based on the counselor's thought standards but not based on parents' or children's thought standards. The third party, 

who is the counselor in this case, has no say to the thought standards of parents and children.

    When couples, parents and children, family members, and friends don't have any conflicts, it indicates that one party is suppressing their

emotions or they are not interested in the counterparty. People in close relationships cannot but experience conflicts when they are interested 

in the counterparties. Conflicts necessarily occurs since everyone's thought standards are different. Parents and children may have different

thought standards and their thought standards are right from their own point of view.  Conflicts can be resolved easily when both parties 

admit that their standards are different. This is referred to as the healing of the conflicts.  Counselors who evaluate thought standards of 

parents and children based on their own knowledge and experience do not accurately understand the operational mechanism of human 

mind and psychology and are not applying the right method to resolve conflicts. 

     There are children who have not formed their own thought standards yet. They listen to their parents well and do as they are told by

 adults. It is because they have not formed self-identity yet. They just follow as they are told because they don't have their thought standards. 

When they do not form their own thought standards during teenage years and become adults, they may experience difficulties in 

self-actualization as adults. Some parents force their thought standards on their teenage children. It is the same as forcing their children 

to live with their parents' thought standards instead of their own even when they become adults. 

     Parents' thought standards have been formed through their experience and knowledge based on all their memories of life. It is impossible

 for parents' thought standards to be the same as children's thought standards. Children cannot but develop problems when they live based on their parents' thought 

standards. Teenagers can form healthy self-identity only when they form their own thought standards based on their own experience and knowledge. Conflicts between 

parents and children may continue as parents try to force their thought standards on their children. 

     Then, is it parents' fault or children's fault when conflicts occur between parents and children? None of them is at fault. They are just  applying their own thought 

standards. They may have to pay a high price due to conflicts when they know why conflict occur at a fundamental level. Conflicts may continue and deepen as time 

passes. Children's rebellion during teenage years occur since parents' and children's thought standards are different. Teenagers may wander about and rebel against parents 

since they don't understand that their parents' thought standards are different from their own. Teenage years are the time when children have to form their own thought 

standards and self-identity. These days, children start adolescence earlier than before since intense knowledge education during early childhood and childhood leads 

children to accumulate more memories than children in the past. 

     Adults must welcome and celebrate children forming their own thought standards and self-identity instead of worrying about their trials and errors. It is not guaranteed 

that adults' ideas are right all the time. The whole society should have the atmosphere that admits teenagers' thought standards and have generosity for their trials and errors 

to prevent conflicts between parents and children from developing social problems. Conflicts occur since no one understands that everyone has their own unique thought

standards and admits others' thoughts standards.

     Children cannot form their own thought standards when they are forced to accept parents' thought standards. Parents must respect children's thought standards 

before they judge whether they are right or wrong. They must be happy that their teenage children express their own thought and argue for their ideas. Parents can let 

children know that they need their own thought standards to be able to pursue self-actualization as adults instead of getting stressed and wounded due to conflicts. 

Then, children can build the ability to adjust their thought standards in a healthy environment and a good relationship with parents. Parents must pass down the ability to 

pursue self-actualization as adults rather than money or fame.

     Some parents believe that they have the right for parenting. However, parents actually have only the responsibility for parenting in the right way. They have the 

responsibility to support children to develop healthy thought standards and build the ability to pursue self-actualization as adults. They don't have the right to control 

children's thought standards. On the other hand, children have only the right to form healthy self-identity under the protection of parents. Parents should never stop 

children from forming healthy self-identity. Otherwise, children cannot but experience when they become adults and pursue self-actualization.

     When children express negative emotions about parents' thought standards, parents should celebrate before judging whether children's ideas are right or wrong. They

 can say, "I am so glad that you can finally have your own thought standards", and discuss the matter exchanging thoughts and ideas. Children may experience difficulties

 and feel stressed and wounded when their thought standards do not accord with their parents' thought standards, which is only a natural condition of human beings. 

Please, just remember that is it no one's fault.