We use the concept of conflict a lot, but do not seem to understand it accurately. To have a conflict, there must exist two parties, and these two parties must oppose each other. Each case of conflicts take different forms and manifestations, but the reason for conflicts is singular. People have conflicts because they have different standards of thoughts. Two standards of thoughts can apply in human relationships and conflicts. One is that we recognize and accept that our standards are different from those of the other party, and do not apply our standards to the other party. The other is that we believe our standards are the right ones and the other standards are wrong, and apply our standards to the other party.

It is natural that we apply our standards of thoughts when we get involved in a human relationship. We tend to think about how our standards apply to others, but do not consider the standards of others, thereby matching and judging in terms of our standards. We know that people are all different, but apply our thought standards unconsciously. This is why conflicts occur.

Women tend to perceive that the other party does not like them when they have conflicts in relationships. Men tend to perceive conflicts as stress. These negative feelings lead to the idea that the other party is wrong, and disputes and discords begin to form. People do not recognize this process of developing conflicts.

It is also natural that we see conflicts more often among people in close and loving relationships. There are many fewer chances for conflicts among people who are not interested in one another. Think about who you have the most conflicts with. There must be many conflicts in a marriage relationship. Differences in personalities are blamed to cause conflicts in married couples, but they are what make people get married in the first place when positively operating, and what causes conflicts when negatively operating.

Then, are personality differences good or bad? Differences in personalities are necessary and essential to generate happiness in human life. Therefore, conflicts are not something to avoid or reject. Having conflicts does not mean that the other party does not like us, but, on the contrary, means that we care about each other and we only have different thought standards.

Sometimes, parents impose their thought standards on their children in child rearing. Parents automatically think that their standards are the right ones, but they are different from those of their children. The differences in the thought standards of parents and children may cause conflicts. Parents impose their standards on their children only because they are greatly concerned with the well-being of their children. Most troubles in teenagers seen in present days are caused by parent-child conflicts. Conflicts are not resolved but only get worse since the cause of conflicts are not accurately understood, despite the fact that they are in the most loving relationship.

Having serious conflicts means they love each other as much. Stress and hurt feelings in human relationships come from conflicts. Unresolved conflicts can be a poison for emotional health, but resolved conflicts are the cure for emotion. Poisonous conflicts can be converted to cures and happiness.

There are two cases of the absence of conflicts. One is when the parties involved do not care about each other, and the other case is when one of the two parties does not express feelings but suppresses them. We can reflect on which one would be better between life without conflicts, or life with conflicts. It may be up to each person to decide, but it is suggested that loving and having conflicts are more desirable than living with indifference. It is only that women feel heart broken and men feel stressed, and it leads to troubled relationships due to lack of the accurate understanding of conflicts.

Any human relationship without conflicts is an indicator of indifference. Indifference is much more harmful that conflicts. The indifference of family members is a major reason for teenagers running away from home. Parents are so busy that they cannot even spare time to scold their children, which means they are not interested in how the children are doing. Some parents do not scold their children, not because children are perfect, but because they do not care.

Suppose the child is 15 years old and the parent is 45 years old. It is simply impossible that the parent should have the same thought standards as the child. They must be completely different. The parent has a false idea when he or she thinks that the 15 year-old-child will do things with the thought standards of a 45 year-old-parent. Therefore, parents should give attention to children and should be able to admit that their thought standards are very different.

One's standards of thoughts are formed by the accumulation of one's memories throughout his or her lifetime. Men and women have different patterns of storing memories and forming thoughts in addition to individual differences. Troubles begin with each person having different thoughts and guessing what others would think. They guess and reason that others would definitely think 'A' because they themselves think 'A'. There is little chance that this idea is proven right. Imposing one's thought standards will only cause disputes and discords and lead to conflicts.

Although one's standards of thoughts are owned by only one person in the whole world, we believe that others should have the same standards. A husband has his own thought standards, and a wife her own. A parent has his or her own thought standards, and a child his or her own. People have conflicts since they are convinced that their thought standards are clearly right and others' are wrong.